parenting Archives - Page 5 of 8 - Sarah & Ian Hoffman

First Things First

March 1, 2011 by Sarah

I am honored to have my essay appear today on the series First Things First, part of Hartley Steiner’s special-needs parenting website, Hartley’s Life with Three Boys. Hartley works tirelessly on behalf of her children and all kids with special needs, writing and speaking publicly about raising children with differences ranging from sensory processing disorder to autism to bipolar disorder (check out her picture book, This is Gabriel Making Sense of School).

Most of the writing that you see on my blog and website is about childhood gender issues. But there’s another aspect to my parenting life and my writing that I’ve written about less often, but that is equally important: raising a child with special needs. Many gender-nonconforming kids also have other special needs, as I explored in the post Pink Orchids. Sam is gender-nonconforming, but also struggles with sensory, mood, and sleep issues. All of these things add to Sam’s burden, and affect our whole family.

First Things First will feature a new writer each month exploring how parents find the time and energy to take care of themselves, so that they can be there for their children. Self-care is especially important for parents of special-needs kids, whether those needs are physical, emotional, cognitive, or social. The essay series is a testament to how much love these special needs kids receive, and also to parents who know that to take care of their kids, they’ve got to take care of themselves first.

And I hope that it will encourage you to take care of yourself, too. Read my First Things First essay and let me know what you think.

TransActive Study Announcement

January 25, 2011 by Sarah

I received this press release today and thought some of you would be interested in participating in TransActive’s study–they’re looking at the effects of family support and acceptance on transgender and gender-nonconforming kids.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Portland, Oregon – January 24, 2011

TransActive Education & Advocacy, a leading national organization serving the needs of transgender and gender non-conforming children, youth and their families is in the beginning stages of conducting a national PRE and POST research study on the impact that affirmation of a child or youth’s gender non-conforming identity or expression has had on the youth and their family.

The goal of this research is to evaluate the responses and eventually educate others on the effectiveness of providing supportive and affirming care to transgender and gender non-conforming children and youth.

Specifically, we are requesting:

1. A narrative account (min. 500 words) of your child’s emotional, behavioral, and physical health and family and social interactions PRIOR to being affirmed (supported) in their gender identity or gender expression.

2. A narrative account (min. 500 words) of your child’s emotional, behavioral, and physical health and family and social interactions AFTER being affirmed (supported) in their gender identity or gender expression.

It would be helpful to our study if you included an account of changes you’ve observed in any of the following areas: (This is completely optional, and at your discretion)

Behavior
Personality
Self-esteem
Emotions / Mood
Relationships
Health
School performance
Socialization
Family interactions

This is an ongoing study and there is no current deadline for submissions.

To Participate:

Share your narrative account in whichever format works best for you (plain text, Word, etc.) by sending them to TransActive by email or postal mail.
Please enter “Narrative Account” in the subject line or header and send it to:

Email:
research@transactiveonline.org

Postal Mail:
TransActive Education & Advocacy
Attn: Sheryl Rindel, LPC, NCC
1631 NE Broadway
Ste. 355-T
Portland, OR 97232

Your privacy is of the utmost importance to us. While certain generalized details of your narrative may be used in our study or for educational purposes, absolutely no personal or identifying information (including specific geographic locations) will be included in any published research materials.

If you have any additional questions about this study or research, please don’t hesitate to call our office at 503-252-3000 or email your inquiry to:info@transactiveonline.org

Further Research Participation Opportunities:
If you would be willing to participating in future surveys and/or interviews for this or other future research projects please indicate your interest when sending your narrative accounts.

Thank you.

Jenn Burleton
Executive Director
TransActive Education & Advocacy

Out of the Mouth of My Babe

January 18, 2011 by Sarah

Be Who You Are cover “Mom, write this down.”

Sam and I had just read Be Who You Are, a lovely book about a transgender child, biologically a boy, whose parents affirm her desire to live as a girl. I’d told Sam that I’d been asked to review the book, and I wanted to know what he thought.

Here’s what Sam had to say:

This book was pretty great in some ways and okay in some ways. I recommend it for people who really do feel like they’re one gender on the outside and a different one on the inside. But for other people, I really do not recommend it.

I asked Sam why. He explained:

I wish there were just kids. Sure, boys and girls are important, when you get older, for making babies. But for kids, who cares? A lot of my friends are girls. And that’s just hard for kids like me. The world would be a better place if there were only kids and not divided into “boy” or “girl.” Mom, can you underline that? The world would be a better place if there were only kids and not divided into boy or girl. And there were just kids. If there were just kids things would work a lot better and boys and girls would be friends with each other and there would be less problems and people wouldn’t make fun of each other at school and everyone would accept it and there wouldn’t be anything weird and life would be a better place.

Sam captured how I feel about all children’s literature about gender expression—actually, about how our entire culture views gender.

Be Who You Are is a wonderful book about a transgender child, and it’s a breakthrough to have a book like this in the world. And yet, when kids like Sam read books about trans kids, it reinforces that they don’t fit into either gender-normative society or transgender society. Carr’s book reflects the lives of the kids who do fit in a gender box—just not the box they’re expected to fit in. What of the kids who don’t fit in either box?

I was thrilled to learn that Cheryl Kilodavis’ self-published book My Princess Boy was recently picked up by Simon and Schuster, and is now available in hardcover. The book has quickly made a splash in the publishing world, and is already being used as an anti-bullying tool in schools across the country.

I talked to Sam about how, together, books like Be Who You Are and My Princess Boy are already expanding how grown-ups and kids look at all the ways people can express their innate gender.

These are great books. And we need more books to reflect the entire range of gender diversity. Because our kids are out there, and they need to see themselves not only reflected but accepted, dignified, and celebrated.