Sarah & Ian Hoffman

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The Unitarians and I

March 8, 2011 by Sarah

I am honored to be speaking this Saturday afternoon at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Berkeley. Rev. Chris Holton Jablonski and I will be leading a facilitated discussion about supporting our kids in being their authentic selves, and working to build safe schools and communities. You are all invited.

I love the Unitarians. If I weren’t a reform Jew who is already Unitarian-ish anyway, I would become Unitarian. Unitarians believe in compassion and social justice, in the worth and dignity of each individual, in acceptance of other people even if they are different from who we are or who we expect them to be. They value learning from, and deepening our relationships with, people and situations who challenge us to think or act differently than we usually do. And they believe in actively making the world a better place for not just ourselves, but everyone. See what I mean? Don’t you want to be a Unitarian too?

Here’s the workshop description:

When Sarah’s son asked at age four if he could wear a dress to school, she and her husband weren’t sure what to do, fearing he would be teased by his classmates. Now, at age eight, Sam continues to defy gender norms, and faces new social challenges. How is it possible to let a child be who they are, but also protect them from society’s judgment?

Parents of gender-nonconforming children face particular challenges as they grapple with their own beliefs and biases as well as those of our culture, and as they see their children become victims of bullying at school and in our communities. But these challenges raise questions for all parents: how can we support our children to be their authentic selves? How can we work together to ensure that our schools, communities, and places of worship are safe places for our families? How can we turn our challenges and questions into means to broaden our sense of our deepest values?

Our children—whether gender-nonconforming or gender-normative, special-needs or typically-developing—push us to expand our thinking. What is acceptable? What does it really mean to accept our children as they are, not as how we expect them to be? How can we be ambassadors in the world for our children?

Sarah will share her own story as well as insights gleaned from parents across the country to illuminate the particular challenges faced by gender-nonconforming children and how these challenges relate to universal issues for all children and parents.

Please join me!

Saturday, March 12 at 5pm

Unitarian Universalist Church of Berkeley

1 Lawson Road

Kensington, CA 94707

(510) 525-0302

 

Filed Under: Sarah Hoffman's Blog Tagged With: "gender variant" "gender nonconforming" "gender spectrum" "parenting", "sarah hoffman", "transgender", bullying, parenting, pink boy, Unitarian, UUCB

First Things First

March 1, 2011 by Sarah

I am honored to have my essay appear today on the series First Things First, part of Hartley Steiner’s special-needs parenting website, Hartley’s Life with Three Boys. Hartley works tirelessly on behalf of her children and all kids with special needs, writing and speaking publicly about raising children with differences ranging from sensory processing disorder to autism to bipolar disorder (check out her picture book, This is Gabriel Making Sense of School).

Most of the writing that you see on my blog and website is about childhood gender issues. But there’s another aspect to my parenting life and my writing that I’ve written about less often, but that is equally important: raising a child with special needs. Many gender-nonconforming kids also have other special needs, as I explored in the post Pink Orchids. Sam is gender-nonconforming, but also struggles with sensory, mood, and sleep issues. All of these things add to Sam’s burden, and affect our whole family.

First Things First will feature a new writer each month exploring how parents find the time and energy to take care of themselves, so that they can be there for their children. Self-care is especially important for parents of special-needs kids, whether those needs are physical, emotional, cognitive, or social. The essay series is a testament to how much love these special needs kids receive, and also to parents who know that to take care of their kids, they’ve got to take care of themselves first.

And I hope that it will encourage you to take care of yourself, too. Read my First Things First essay and let me know what you think.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "gender variant" gender non-conforming parenting pink, "sarah hoffman", "transgender", gender, parenting, pink boy, sensory integration, SPD, special needs

My Son, the Pink Boy

February 22, 2011 by Sarah

Dear Readers,

Many apologies for my recent blog hiatus–I’ve been working on some other projects that have occupied my writing time.

I’ve missed you all.

Screen shot 2011-02-22 at 8.25.55 AMOne of those projects is the essay up on Salon today, My Son, the Pink Boy, that takes a look at all the things we talk about here, and more: boys in dresses, why people assume boys in dresses are gay, why people assume it’s bad to be gay….not to mention “refrigerator mothers,” reparative therapy, anti-gay organizations, and Dr. Phil.

Give it a look and let me know what you think!

Love,

Sarah

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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Buy the Books

Jacob's Missing Book

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Jacob's School Play: Starring He, She & They!

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Jacob's Room to Choose

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Jacob's New Dress

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Testimonials

“Making space for everyone is no small task. Seeing one another, asking the right questions, and honoring how each person walks through the world is something learned, but not often enough taught. As Jacob’s class prepares costumes and set pieces for their play about life on the farm, Jacob is confused that Ari is playing the part of water in all its forms and that Ari identifies using they/their pronouns. But this is not a book about conflict or being accepted by others for who you are. It’s about classmates each embracing that their experience is not the only experience and that every person fits beautifully into this world in their own way. I’m so grateful that children in every classroom will have the opportunity to see themselves and their friends represented in Jacob’s Play. That’s so needed and so beautifully done in this book.”

Matthew Winner, The Children’s Book Podcast April 30, 2021

Praise for our books

“Their teacher’s lesson shows that there are more than two ways to dress—not all boys wear short hair, and not all girls wear long hair or dresses. Even their own classroom represents a spectrum of expressions.”

Kirkus Reviews April 3, 2019

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