Sarah & Ian Hoffman

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Celebrate the Launch of Operation Marriage! Book Review & Giveaway

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I’m so excited to share this book with you.

Operation Marriage tells the story of a spunky eight-year-old San Franciscan, Alex, whose best friend shuns Alex because she has lesbian parents. Set during the lead-up to California’s Proposition 8, the ballot measure that ultimately banned same-sex marriage, the story shows the impact that the struggle for marriage equality has on children—not just those from gay families, but on all children who witness the fight.

Based on a true story, Operation Marriage offers us universal themes— trust, perseverance, standing up to adversity—but its approach to the particular social challenge of marriage inequality is something I haven’t ever seen in a children’s book. There is power in viewing a problem from a child’s perspective, and much that we grown-ups can learn from looking at the world through Alex’s eyes.

Alex’s parents got married in the slim window that our state allowed them to; others since have not been so lucky. And because I know you’re wondering, ultimately Alex’s best friend comes around in support of Alex’s family. But it happens in a way that makes me cry every single time I read it. Yet no matter how lovely I think this book is, aided by Lea Lyon’s gentle, realistic illustrations, what I really hope is that someday this book  will be become part of dusty history, a quaint reminder of how narrow minded our state—our country—used to be.

The super awesome publisher of Operation Marriage, Reach and Teach—you should check out their other titles, too—is offering an autographed, hardcover copy of the book to one of my readers. Leave a comment below (and be sure to give me a way to get in touch with you by leaving your email address or friending me on facebook) for a chance to win. The winner will be announced Tuesday, the day the book is officially launched.

The national launch of Operation Marriage is next Wednesday, November 2. Local supporters can join the author, illustrator, and publishers at the launch party at Kepler’s in Menlo Park.

Wherever you are, please read and share this important book!

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Letters to School—A Transgender Teen

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This post is the next in my series of letters parents have written to schools on behalf of their gender-nonconforming and transgender children (the first and second letters appear here). The following letter was written by Natanya*, the mother of Jamie, a transgender teenager entering high school. Natanya sent the letter to every teacher at her daughter’s new school; in addition to the letter, Jamie and her mother visited every teacher in person before the start of school to judge their reactions. At this first meeting, they all responded positively. They have since gotten permission from the principal for Jamie to use the girls’ locker room.

Dear teachers:

I look forward to meeting you in person in the near future, but in the mean time there is an important matter I need to discuss with you.

My child is an incoming freshman and is in your class (English 9, 1st period; Algebra 1, 2nd period; Health, 3rd period; Spanish 1, 4th period; Dance PE, 5th period). On your roster, her name appears as James Renaldo, and her gender appears as male. However, my daughter is transgender; she identifies as a female, and her name is Jamie. It would be wonderful if you can correct the name on your roster before class starts so that Jamie does not have to make this awkward correction.

I am concerned because transgender teens have the highest percentage rate of discrimination, bullying, and assault (Jamie suffered all of these from students and staff at her middle school last year). Likewise, they have the highest percentage of depression, self-mutilation, and suicide. Jamie is in good spirits, I have no immediate fears about her emotional state, and I would like to look to you, her teachers, to please help her feel safe in school. The research by the California Safe School committee indicates that one of the most important factors in keeping trans students safe is having a trusted teacher or staff member who they recognize as an ally, and who will take action if the student is aggressed.

I understand that Gender Spectrum does training at your school, and that there are other LGBTQ students, so I am hoping that this year goes smoothly. I in no way intend this message to be confrontational, but just so that we start the year off on the same page I would like to reiterate that state law, and county and district policy supports the T in LGBTQ: “Transgender and gender non-conforming students have the right to be addressed by a name and pronoun corresponding to their gender identity. This is true regardless of whether the student has obtained a court ordered name or gender change. Intentionally addressing a student by the incorrect name or pronoun is a form of discrimination. The directive does not prohibit inadvertent slips or honest mistakes, but it does apply to an intentional and persistent refusal to respect a student’s gender identity.”

I also have some concern about where Jamie will change clothes, I hope that we can meet with Ms. Billings today or that Jamie can have a moment of her time tomorrow during class. Again, the legal standards are clear: “In locker rooms that involve undressing in front of others, transgender students who want to use the locker room corresponding to their gender identity must be provided an accommodation that best meets the student’s needs. Such accommodations can include: (A) use of a private area within the public area (a bathroom stall with a door, an area separated by a curtain, a PE instructor’s office in the locker room), (B) a separate changing schedule in the private area (either utilizing the locker room before or after the other students), (C) use of a nearby private area (a nearby restroom, a nurse’s office), (D) access to the locker room corresponding to the student’s sex assigned at birth, or (E) satisfaction of PE requirement by independent study outside of gym class (either before or after school or at a local recreational facility). It is not an acceptable accommodation to deny a student’s opportunity for physical education either through not allowing the student to have PE or by forcing the student to have PE outside of the assigned class time. Requiring a transgender student to use the locker room corresponding to the student’s sex assigned at birth is likewise prohibited…All students have a right to safe and appropriate restroom facilities. This includes the right to use a restroom that corresponds to the student’s gender identity, regardless of the student’s sex assigned at birth.  Requiring the student to `prove’ their gender (by requiring a doctor’s letter, identity documents, etc.) is not acceptable. The student’s self-identification is the sole measure of the student’s gender, per Title IX and The California Student Safety and Violence Prevention Act of 2000 (AB 357).”

I believe you are all compassionate people, and I am confident that Wawona High School will be welcoming.

Thank you for your consideration . . . and if you have any wish-list items for your classrooms, please let me know!  🙂

Sincerely,

Natanya Renaldo

*All of the names and places are pseudonymous.

Please vote for me on Babble’s Moms Who Are Changing the World! Just click this link and then click “like” to vote. Thank you!

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Book Giveaway: Donovan’s Big Day by Leslea Newman

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Please note: while comments on this post continue to be welcome, the giveaway is now over.

 

 


Leslea Newman, of Heather Has Two Mommies fame, has recently published a new picture book, Donovan’s Big Day, a delightful story about the day a little boy’s two moms get married.

Told from Donovan’s perspective, the book is beautifully written for the 4-to-8-year-old set, with sweet, cheerful drawings by Mike Dutton. It builds suspense from the moment Donovan wakes up to the culmination of his big day, and manages to convey Donovan’s nervousness, seriousness, and joy to the reader. As I read:

When the tall grown-up in the long black robe said, “I now pronounce you wife and wife,” Donovan threw his arms around his mothers while everyone clapped their hands and stamped their feet and whooped and whistled and hollered, “Hooray!”

I cried. I cried again the second time I read the book, and the third, and every time I’ve read it since, including when I heard my son read it to my daughter.

Donovan’s Big Day isn’t just for kids with same-sex parents—it’s a book for all children. Despite the political life of The Issue of Gay Marriage, at its heart gay marriage is simply marriage, the joining of two people who love each other. Donovan’s New Day is not about politics or strife, but simply what it’s like for a child to witness and participate in one of the most purely wonderful moments in a family’s life. Leslea wrote the book after watching gay and lesbian couples get married on May 17, 2004, the first day same-sex marriage was legal in her home state of Massachusetts. “There were many, many children present that day,” she said, “children of those couples, children as bystanders…participating in all the joy.”

Every child should get to read this book, or have it read to them by their teary-eyed parents.

(And by the way, I can hardly believe Leslea has written yet another book. Three months ago I reviewed her then-new board books Mommy, Mama, and Me, and Daddy, Papa, and Me, both of which you’ll want to give to every toddler you know. She is a prolific writer, penning not only picture books but middle-grade and teen novels, and, for adults, fiction, non-fiction, humor, short stories, and poetry. It’s worth poking around her website to learn more.)

Leslea was kind enough to send me an autographed copy of Donovan’s Big Day to give away to one of you. I invite you to enter for a chance to win this hardcover book by commenting on this post below (if you’ve received this review in your email box, just click on the title of the post and you’ll be taken to my blog, where you can enter a comment). You’ll need to either leave your email address in your comment or friend me on facebook so I can find you if you’re the winner.

Thank you, Leslea—for giving away this book to one of my readers, for writing this book, and for all you do to make this world a more wonderful, joyful place.

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