Sarah & Ian Hoffman

Building a culture of kindness. One book at a time.
Menu

BREAKING NEWS: Sam has cut his hair.

by

Yes, it’s true. Sam has cut his hair. But maybe not for the reason you think. And here to tell you about it is today’s guest blogger, Ian Hoffman, my husband and the co-author of our forthcoming book, Jacob’s New Dress (now available for preorder on Amazon, in case you haven’t heard me say that five times before. Sorry, I’m excited.) Welcome Ian!

Sam cut his hair.  Not because he was tired of people mistaking him for a girl.  Not because he wanted to look like the rest of the boys in his class.  Not because he wanted to be able to safely use a public men’s room by himself.

No, Sam cut his hair because he wanted to be Dr. Who for Halloween.  The 11th Doctor, to be precise.  For those who don’t follow BBC science-fiction television, Dr. Who is a humanoid alien who travels time and space bringing peace to the universe (generally).  The Doctor is brilliant, and funny, and curious, and lonely.  He’s Sam’s hero.

For the first time since preschool Sam’s blonde hair does not fall past his shoulders.  For the first time in 8 years a stranger referred to Sam as “he” instead of “she.”  Everyone who knows Sam is shocked–they want to know what happened.  Sam’s school principal pulled me aside to make sure everything was OK.    What does Sam’s haircut  mean?

Understanding the importance of hair in self-expression can also be seen in the care people take with their chosen hairstyles, whether natural or styled using wigs. For those who prefer to change their look frequently, maintaining the quality of their wigs is crucial. This is where human hair wig care comes into play.

Just as Sam’s decision to cut his hair was a personal choice to embody his hero, taking care of a wig involves a commitment to ensuring it remains in the best possible condition. Regular cleaning, proper storage, and gentle handling are essential to keep human hair wigs looking natural and lasting longer. Sam’s haircut is a reminder that our choices in hair, whether permanent or temporary, are deeply personal and deserving of proper care and respect.

Sam knows what it means.  He’s one step closer to being the Doctor.  The 11th Doctor, to be precise.

-Ian Hoffman

Share

Book Review and Giveaway: Raising My Rainbow

by

While comments on this post are still welcome, the giveaway is now closed. The winners were announced here.

Raising My Rainbow: Adventures in Raising a Fabulous, Gender Creative Son is the story of C.J., Lori Duron’s sparkly boy-child. Lori sent me two autographed copies of her book to give away to my readers (leave a comment below for a chance to win—and if you are one of the two randomly chosen winners, I will mail you your own copy).

Reading Raising My Rainbow, I realized that Lori’s story is my story too, and it is the story of so very many parents I have spoken to over the years. The book captures the themes that parents of gender-nonconforming children often share, like self blame, fear of the future, and the fierce desire to protect our children from ridicule. She explores the effects that a gender-nonconforming child can have on their parents, siblings, and extended family. She talks about how it feels to be criticized by our families, friends, and strangers—and asks the questions so many parents of gender-nonconforming kids ask: what do we owe these people? What do we owe our children?

The book is lovingly written and touching, matter-of-fact and readable. It left me hungry to see where C.J. and his parents and brother went in the world, what they learned, how they struggled, how they overcame. And it helped that Lori is funny (“I texted [my husband] Matt, who was at work, a photo of C.J.’s crap in the toilet and the picture of him holding Belle at Target.”).

Lori and Matt clearly struggled—and probably continue to struggle, for this is an ever-shifting landscape—for a long time. But Lori realized early on that to accept and support her son was to give him a gift. And this realization helped her to let go of double standards in her own life (e.g., not letting C.J. take his feminine toys out of the house when his brother could take his masculine ones) as she began to see them in the world around her (why can girls wear pants but boys can’t wear a skirt?)

The book shows how our children help us to evolve—and how awkward and uncomfortable it can be to evolve in a context where the people around us are not evolving with us. “There is comfort found in expectations, but when they are squashed when your child is three, four, or five years old, you start to question why they exist at all. You attempt to move on without expectations and try not to be jaded when people around you hold tight to old, comfortable ones.”

In the end, I was left wanting to know more about C. J. and his family. Will his gender identity persist? How will he face teasing and harassment as he gets older? What will his parents do to proactively prevent bullying at his school? Perhaps we’ll find out in a sequel.

We—the mom and dad bloggers of the gender-nonconforming community—welcome Lori, and we welcome her book. Raising My Rainbow is an important contribution to the small but growing library of books affirming gender-nonconforming children to be entirely themselves.

 

Leave a comment below for a chance to win a copy of Raising My Rainbow. Remember to either include your email address or message me on facebook so that I know how to get in touch with you if you win! Winners will be announced Monday October 7.

Share

Jacob’s New Dress is at the Printer!

by

We are completely and utterly thrilled that our book, Jacob’s New Dress, is now available for preorder on Amazon. My husband Ian and I are over the moon about having this book, which we envisioned so many years ago, finally come into being. The photo above gives you a sense of the lovely illustrations by Chris Case, who we think did a great job of capturing the spirit, emotion, and life of the book.

Jacob’s New Dress will be out on March 1. We hope to have approximately one zillion preorders by then, so we can show bookstores that this is a book worth stocking. Some of you who saw my post on Facebook have already preordered and for that we love and thank you so very much. But most of all, all the Jacobs of the world love and thank you so very much, for helping to educate the world about them, and for helping to keep them safe and happy in all their sparkly glory.

If you have a comment or word of encouragement for us and you’re reading this post by email, please click on the title of the post and it will take you to my website where you can leave us a note. I love your emails but am not able to get to all of them! For my web readers, please just comment below. Thank you!

And we simply cannot wait to hear what you think of the book.

Love,

Sarah

Share