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September

October 1, 2010 by Sarah


It’s been a terrible month for hope.

September 2010 saw the suicides of four teenage boys who were bullied for their perceived sexual orientation or gender expression: Tyler Clemente, 18; Billy Lucas, 15; Seth Walsh, 13; and Asher Brown, 13.

The online community that I belong to, made up of parents of gender non-conforming kids, has been reeling with a collective sense of loss, horror, and brokenheartedness. Gloria Iorillo (a courageous parent who I’ve written about before, pseudonymously), wrote:

It just breaks my heart thinking of those kids who felt they were hopeless, helpless, lost, with no other recourse but to take their lives, leaving their families and friends devastated.

We have a responsibility to break this cycle of hate and intolerance. The only way is by teaching our children not only tolerance but acceptance for those different from us, and by taking a stand for those kids who are struggling, letting them know they are not alone, they have us, to help them, protect them, and to fight intolerance whenever we encounter it.

Our mere existence is a form of activism. Every time our kids go out the door defying conventionalisms, every time we talk to someone about our experience with our non-conforming kids, we are pushing the envelope.

Our job—our responsibility—is to talk to people. Within the bounds of safety, we need to speak to our families, friends, neighbors, schools, synagogues, churches, the press. We’ve got to share our stories, our sons’ stories, our families’ stories.

By talking we can help people contemplate: what if my child were so bullied he felt the best thing to do was to take his own life? What if my child tortured another child to the point of driving them to suicide? What would I do if I were a child so brutally treated by my classmates?

Jews say of their dead, “May their memory be for a blessing.”  I have always loved the expression, the way it conveys both respect for the deceased and the hope that something good will come of their life, if not the terribleness of their passing.

May the memories of Tyler, Billy, Seth, and Asher be for a blessing.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "gender variant" "gender nonconforming" "gender spectrum" "parenting", "gender variant" gender non-conforming parenting pink, Asher Brown, Billy Lucas, bullying, Seth Walsh, teen suicide, Tyler Clemente

Gender Nonconforming Kids on College Campuses

September 20, 2010 by Sarah

I received this press release from the national higher ed nonprofit organization Campus Pride, and thought it didn’t need any commentary from me:

The 2010 State of Higher Education for LGBT People reveals “chilly” campus climate toward LGBT people, high rates of harassment and lack of safety, inclusiveness in policies, programs and practices across the country

CHARLOTTE, N.C. – Today, Campus Pride, a national non-profit working to create safer, more LGBT-inclusive colleges, announced the release of a landmark research study. The most comprehensive national research of its kind to date, The 2010 State of Higher Education for LGBT People, documents the experiences of nearly 6,000 students, faculty, staff and administrators who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) at colleges and universities across the United States. The results point to significant harassment of LGBT students and a lack of safety and inclusiveness that exists on campuses across the country.

“National research has consistently shown that LGBT youth in kindergarten through high school encounter alarming rates of harassment, discrimination and bullying. There has never been a comprehensive national study to document what happens when these youth go to college – until now, “ said Shane Windmeyer, Campus Pride’s executive director.

Written by Campus Pride’s Q Research Institute for Higher Education (Sue Rankin, Ph.D., Dr. Warren J. Blumenfeld, Ed.D., Genevieve N. Weber, Ph.D., LMHC and Somjen Frazer, MS, Ed.), and with a foreword by George Kuh, Ph.D., The 2010 State of Higher Education for LGBT People is a clarion call to action for college and university administrators, educators, student leaders and elected officials.

Some key findings:

• Lesbian, gay, bisexual and queer (LGBQ) respondents experienced significantly greater harassment and discrimination than their heterosexual allies, and those who identified as transmasculine, transfeminine, and gender non-conforming (GNC) experienced significantly higher rates of harassment than men and women

• LGBQ students were more likely than heterosexual students to have seriously considered leaving their institution as a result of harassment and discrimination.

• LGBQ Respondents of Color were more likely than their LGBQ White counterparts to indicate race as the basis for harassment, and were significantly less likely than LGBQ White respondents to feel very comfortable or comfortable in their classes (60%, 65%, respectively).

• Respondents who identified as transmasculine, transfeminine, and gender non-conforming have more negative perceptions of campus climate when compared with those who identify within the gender binary.

Dr. Susan Rankin, an Associate Professor of Education at Pennsylvania State University and lead author of the report said: “Unequivocally, The 2010 State of Higher Education for LGBT People demonstrates that LGBTQQ students, faculty and staff experience a ‘chilly’ campus climate of harassment and far less than welcoming campus communities. This comprehensive report provides substantive research and the necessary recommendations to assist administrators, educators, advocates, activists, student leaders and elected officials in making university and college campuses safer and more accepting for all of its community members.”

Windmeyer added, “Now is the time to act. It is shocking that it is 2010 and less than eight percent of accredited colleges and universities in the country have LGBT inclusive policies. Colleges and universities have the responsibility to create safe learning environments for everyone, regardless of sexual identity or gender identity.”

Report findings and recommendations will be presented in a National Webinar Release on Sept. 21, and a National Congressional Policy Briefing, hosted by Campus Pride, Campus Progress and the Congressional LGBT Caucus, on Sept. 23 at the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C. More details will be announced in the coming days.

For more information about the webinar or the policy briefing, please contact Campus Pride at (704) 277-6710 or info@campuspride.org, or visit www.campuspride.org/research.

Campus Pride is the leading national nonprofit organization 501(c)(3) for student leaders and campus organizations working to create safer, more LGBT-friendly colleges and universities. It exists to give “voice and action” in building future LGBT and ally leaders. DONATE TODAY online at www.campuspride.org.

Campus Pride coalition partners include: ACPA-College Student Educators International, Campuspeak, Campus Progress, Consortium of Higher Education LGBT Resource Professionals, Gamma Mu Foundation, Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, Human Rights Campaign, Matthew Shepard Foundation, NASPA – Student Affairs Administrators in Higher Education, National Gay & Lesbian Task Force, National Youth Advocacy Coalition and Sedgwick, Detert, Moran & Arnold, LLP.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "transgender" "campus" "transgender on campus" "higher ed" "gender non-conforming" "gender variant kids" "Campus Pride"

What Do I Know?

September 18, 2010 by Sarah

I was in Cliff’s Variety hardware store in San Francisco, talking to a salesman about hand-held shower nozzles. I knew the salesman was gay. I knew because he was delicate and feminine and had the gaunt cheeks typical of a man with HIV/AIDS-related facial wasting. And I knew because we were in the Castro, a predominantly gay neighborhood.

I knew it like the flight attendant knew, while we flew back from Washington, DC recently, that my son and daughter were both girls.

“What would your daughters like to drink?” she asked.

“Ginger ale,” I told her.

I knew it like the guy walking by our house the other day knew Sam was a girl. We were coming down our front steps, Sam looking completely dapper in a white button-down shirt, black dress pants, and maroon tie, his long hair flowing out from beneath a black bolo hat. The man stopped and looked at Sam, grinning big.

“What a great outfit! She looks like that girl from…from…that show, you know?” he faltered. He couldn’t remember the name of the show, but he knew Sam was a girl.

I was unsure which nozzle to buy, given all the options at Cliff’s.

“My wife likes this one best,” the salesman said.

I looked up at him, startled, and paused a little too long before saying, “Well, I’ll take that one, then.”

While waiting in line, I thought: so the salesman I assumed was gay is actually straight. Or maybe he’s gay and his long-time partner is transgender. Or…

What do I know?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "gender variant" "gender nonconforming" "gender spectrum" "parenting", "gender variant" gender non-conforming parenting pink, gay, parenting, pink boy, pink boys

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