Sarah & Ian Hoffman

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Psychology Today

July 8, 2011 by Sarah

I’m honored that clinical psychologist Samantha Smithstein recently interviewed me for her blogs on Psychology Today and the San Francisco Examiner. We discussed my advocacy work for gender-nonconforming kids, what it means to be a pink boy, and school bullying prevention.

Responding to Dr. Smithstein’s questions was a good opportunity for me to articulate something I’ve long felt: that writing and speaking about raising a gender-nonconforming child is a form of social activism. I never imagined that the advocacy work I’d long participated in in other forms would someday look like this—but it turns out that we don’t always get to choose the shape our work takes.

And that’s okay. Because not only is this the most important thing I can think of to do with the energy that I have for social justice—it is, I hope, making my son’s and other children’s lives better—but it’s personally gratifying and often even fun.

So thank you for being my readers, for commenting on what I write, for telling your awesome and inspiring and heartbreaking stories, and for being your own activist selves in your own communities in so very many ways.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "gender variant" "gender nonconforming" "gender spectrum" "parenting", "Psychology Today", "sarah hoffman", bullying, pink boys, samantha smithstein

And the Winner Is….

July 5, 2011 by Sarah

Janice!

Janice will now receive her very own autographed copy of Leslea Newman’s new book, Donovan’s Big Day, courtesy of the author.

(And here’s the glitch in my system: I have three facebook friends named Janice. Would the Janice who posted the winning comment #6 please send me a note on facebook or via email with your address so I can send you Leslea’s awesome book?)

Thanks, all, for playing. And please go out and buy Donovan’s Big Day! 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "donovan's big day", "giveaway", "sarah hoffman", lesbian parenting, leslea newman, LGBT

Ladies Home Journal

July 4, 2011 by Sarah

I was happy to see Louise Sloan’s essay Green Nail Polish and Gay Marriage this week in Ladies Home Journal, one of the more conservative women’s lifestyle mags.

Sloan’s son wanted to wear green nail polish, and, with a bit of trepidation and some justification (“It wasn’t a pink tutu.”) she allowed it. She and a conservative male friend were discussing the green nail polish and this year’s extra-joyful Gay Pride weekend in New York (isn’t that the sort of conversation we all want to have with a conservative friend?). The friend, after judging her harshly for allowing her son to wear nail polish, said of NY’s Pride, “All those people in the street, representing their viewpoint. I gotta represent mine.”

My viewpoint is this: if you’re a man who doesn’t like gay marriage, don’t marry a man. If you don’t like green nail polish, don’t paint your nails green. But if you tell other people they can’t marry another person of the same gender, or that they can’t paint their nails green, that’s not expressing a viewpoint. That’s being bigoted.

And I have to ask (and not for the first time), why, really, should a boy not wear nail polish? We know that allowing a girl to wear pants does not make her a lesbian, and most of us know that even a tutu on a boy won’t make him gay. We have many accepted social rules that make a great deal of sense, that prevent people from hurting other people, or themselves, or property. But arbitrary rules based on outmoded bias don’t actually make any sense at all, and, rather than preventing harm, they cause it. It’s hurtful to shame a child for liking what they like, and, big picture, it’s actually bizarre to disallow cross-gender play for boys when it’s acceptable for girls. It’s time to let boys—whether they like trucks or tutus—be boys.

Sloan’s essay was thought-provoking. It was interesting. And it’s terribly exciting that it even appeared at all. I can’t imagine a mainstream magazine like Ladies Home Journal publishing such a thing just a year ago, before Jenna Lyons tore the roof off the mutha’ of the boys-in-nail-polish taboo.

Let’s support this growing national conversation. If you are so moved, please read the essay and comment on it. Let’s get the word out that there are many, many parents who think green nail polish—hell, even pink tutus—are okay for boys.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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“The school play metaphor is gentle and effective in showing one child…comprehending a classmate’s nonbinary identity.”

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