Sarah & Ian Hoffman

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Celebrate the Launch of Operation Marriage! Book Review & Giveaway

October 25, 2011 by Sarah

I’m so excited to share this book with you.

Operation Marriage tells the story of a spunky eight-year-old San Franciscan, Alex, whose best friend shuns Alex because she has lesbian parents. Set during the lead-up to California’s Proposition 8, the ballot measure that ultimately banned same-sex marriage, the story shows the impact that the struggle for marriage equality has on children—not just those from gay families, but on all children who witness the fight.

Based on a true story, Operation Marriage offers us universal themes— trust, perseverance, standing up to adversity—but its approach to the particular social challenge of marriage inequality is something I haven’t ever seen in a children’s book. There is power in viewing a problem from a child’s perspective, and much that we grown-ups can learn from looking at the world through Alex’s eyes.

Alex’s parents got married in the slim window that our state allowed them to; others since have not been so lucky. And because I know you’re wondering, ultimately Alex’s best friend comes around in support of Alex’s family. But it happens in a way that makes me cry every single time I read it. Yet no matter how lovely I think this book is, aided by Lea Lyon’s gentle, realistic illustrations, what I really hope is that someday this book  will be become part of dusty history, a quaint reminder of how narrow minded our state—our country—used to be.

The super awesome publisher of Operation Marriage, Reach and Teach—you should check out their other titles, too—is offering an autographed, hardcover copy of the book to one of my readers. Leave a comment below (and be sure to give me a way to get in touch with you by leaving your email address or friending me on facebook) for a chance to win. The winner will be announced Tuesday, the day the book is officially launched.

The national launch of Operation Marriage is next Wednesday, November 2. Local supporters can join the author, illustrator, and publishers at the launch party at Kepler’s in Menlo Park.

Wherever you are, please read and share this important book!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "giveaway", "operation marriage", "sarah hoffman", gay marriage, parenting, reach and teach, same-sex marriage

Bullying Series Finale

September 16, 2011 by Sarah

It’s been not-quite-five months since I started my series on anti-bullying work at Sam’s school, and in that brief time I’ve felt more despair, inspiration, relief, exhaustion, and companionship than in the previous not-quite-five years at the school. When I began writing, I really had no idea where things would go, and was just about ready to give up and pull Sam out of school. Just a few months later, I feel very differently.

At the end of last year, the administration promised to change the way they’d been dealing with school bullying, and made big plans—the first of which was hiring a new school counselor. I’m thrilled to report that the new counselor has experience implementing anti-bullying programs and policies at other schools. She is engaged, thoughtful, accessible, and communicative. Before school started, she gave the teachers an anti-bullying workshop, and is now planning parent education. She has asked the administration to adopt a truly zero-tolerance policy. She is teaching the kids what to do when they experience, participate in, or witness bullying. She is also going to bring Restorative Justice to the school—an alternative approach to discipline that teaches how to repair, rather than punish, harm that has been done to a person.

The school has brought in Gender Spectrum to educate all teachers about gender diversity and acceptance. They are school is talking to Keshet, the Jewish LGBT organization, about bringing faith-based anti-discrimination study resources into classrooms.

In short, the administration has either begun, or agreed to consider, nearly all of the things they committed to last year, and has done so fairly speedily. Watching their actions, I am cautiously optimistic that things are moving in the right direction.

Before writing this post, I read back over all ten installments of the series, reliving the despair, fatigue, and inspiration I’d experienced at the time. What stood out most to me about what we went through was how absolutely not alone we were. We had the support, encouragement, and ideas of the group of parents at school—without which we never would have gotten where we did. Our friends helped us realize we were not alone, gave us the energy for the fight, and lent us the strength to do the work. Their support totally changed the game, and made all the difference in our success.

And I was so very buoyed by the cheering, resonance, and thoughtful input of my readers. Without your words, I would have been dispirited before I’d been able to start. I was also reminded that if Ian had not been my partner through this, I never would have taken the work on (well, maybe I would have, but with far less grace and far more bad language than with him by my side). And most of all, if I didn’t have the incredible kiddo that I do—who represents both the need and the inspiration for this work—I simply would not be here at all.

Thank you, to all of you.

Now that things are on the right track with Sam’s school, I’m able to turn my attention to the book I’ve been trying to write for years, so my presence on this blog is going to be more sporadic for a while. While I won’t be writing quite as often, I am thinking of all of you and wishing you well on your journeys.

All the best,

Sarah Hoffman

Please vote for me on Babble’s Moms Who Are Changing the World! Just click this link and then click “like” to vote. Thank you!

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "gender variant" "gender nonconforming" "gender spectrum" "parenting", "sarah hoffman", "transgender", bully, Keshet, LGBT, pink boy, Restorative Justice, school bullying

Letters to School—Alternatives to PE

August 30, 2011 by Sarah

This post is the next in my series of letters parents have written to schools on behalf of their gender-nonconforming and transgender children (the first, second, and third appear here). The following letter was written by Jenna Murase* to her son’s middle school principal. Jenna sought permission for her son to fulfill his PE requirement outside of school, because the school’s gender-divided PE curriculum would be detrimental to her gender-nonconforming son Nobu. For the letter, Jenna quoted extensively from the school’s own policies to reinforce her position—a strategy which worked very well.

Dear Mr. Jeffries,

We are writing to you in regards to Nobu Murase and his PE class starting in the 6th grade. As we understand, you are fully prepared to accommodate Nobu in the mainstream program at Pine Lakes Middle School. However, given the sensitive nature surrounding Nobu’s gender identity issues, if the idea is to achieve his optimal emotional development we need to provide Nobu with an alternative experience at school. We feel that forcing participation in gym will be emotionally detrimental to Nobu and will cause his academic performance to go down.

Although Nobu has no physical disabilities which prevent him from participating, he does have emotional and social disabilities surrounding his gender identity that consistently cause behavioral issues during this class. Given that PE is mostly divided by gender, Nobu experiences a high level of anxiety, fear, and stress when attending this class for a myriad of gender-related reasons. His report cards from his last school clearly reflect the ongoing struggles he has had in the class socially. 

We would like Nobu to participate in the classes that are not divided by gender. When classes are divided by gender we would like him to have the option to do a research project on anything to do with health, sports, or physical fitness, or to write a current event essay of some sort.

I can assure you that we can provide Nobu the physical activity, or active participation, that is required by law though figure skating lessons after school. To obtain his optimal physical development, Nobu will be at skating, or a skating-related activity, a minimum of five hours per week. Every time he participates in skating he will be dressed in the proper skating attire and using the proper skating equipment. One of Nobu’s weekly skating activities is an ice performance group. During this time he will learn how to work as part of a skating team that will foster a sense of sportsmanship, cooperation, and leadership. The group will be performing and competing at a number of venues throughout the school year. 

Ultimately, as Nobu matures and “figures himself out,” our goal is to build his confidence with full mainstream participation.

Thank you for considering this option for Nobu.  We look forward to working closely with you.

Sincerely,

The Murase Family

Thank you to Jenna and all the parents who have shared their letters! You are an amazing resource!

*All of the names and places are pseudonyms

Please vote for me on Babble’s Moms Who Are Changing the World! Just click this link and then click “like” to vote. Thank you!

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "gender variant" gender non-conforming parenting pink, "sarah hoffman", "transgender", LGBT, pink boy, school bullying, skating boy

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