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I am a Soul Thief

July 7, 2010 by Sarah

It turns out that while I thought of myself as accepting my child for who he is, I am actually stealing his soul.

I’ll be speaking at the Gender Spectrum conference this September about what it’s like to parent a gender-nonconforming child. I didn’t think that posed a particular threat to my son’s soul, until I read The Left’s Use and Abuse of Power by “Robin of Berkeley”  in today’s American Thinker, a conservative online daily. And now I understand the various ways in which I am harming not only my own child but all of society by breeding a “sexual rebel.”

Before you read the article and learn how you, too, are an amoral public menace (and if you have a thick skin and a really solid sense of humor, I recommend reading the comments too), I want to tell you that there is actually one thing Robin of Berkeley says that I agree with, even if I wouldn’t phrase it quite this way:

Kids need to be told this, over and over again: They are children of God. God lives and breathes in every fiber of their being.

The Divine loves and accepts them just as they are. After all, He created them, male or female, white skin or dark. And God’s love is the most meaningful, and the coolest thing, of all.

Exactly.

An angry reader once wrote to me, “God doesn’t make mistakes.” He meant (as he made clear throughout the rest of his letter) that my son liked to wear a dress because I forced him to, that I somehow turned my son into a girl through negligence or will. But to people who tell me such things I say: You’re right. My son is not a mistake. He is exactly as he should be, the way–if you embrace religious rhetoric–God made him.

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Jacob's New Dress

by Sarah and Ian Hoffman

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Comments

  1. Jackson says

    July 8, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    WOW…just wow. I may not believe in a mainstream religion but I do firmly believe we ALL are the way we are for a reason.

    I guess that anyone who embraces true equality and is open-minded is an amoral public menace. That’s basically what I hear over and over again from these people. I say YAY for being a “soul thief.”

    • shoffman says

      July 11, 2010 at 8:46 pm

      Jackson, I am with you. Soul thieves unite!

  2. Melissa says

    July 11, 2010 at 10:58 am

    Try living in the bible belt with a gender variant child. I have been told everything from I will burn in hell for what I have ” done ” to I should be put in jail ( or worse ) for ” forcing ” my child to be a girl. 99% of the time it is easily ignored but it is sad the level of ignorance there is out there.

    When I am told ” God doesn’t make mistakes ” I tell them I totally agree. He made a wonderful child! No mistake about that!

    • shoffman says

      July 11, 2010 at 8:45 pm

      Melissa, I feel for you, living in the bible belt. I hear similar stories from people living in less accepting areas. You are a wonderful ambassador for your child. And what a perfect response about your child!

Testimonials

“Working with Sarah and Ian Hoffman was a blessing. They were organized and collaborative in every detail. Once they began sharing, the crowd was rapt with curiosity and empathy. With warmth, humor, and disarming honesty they invited us to explore gender diversity and inclusion in ways that rang with authenticity, hope, and practicality. People left feeling both challenged and resolute for the work ahead—with new language for addressing complex topics and renewed joy. If you are considering inviting Sarah and Ian, expect a generous partnership and a revelatory Q&A.”

—Rev. Victor H. Floyd
Calvary Presbyterian Church

“Sarah & Ian’s visits to our class help us to cultivate an environment where students feel safe to express themselves, explore their identities, and appreciate and support others.”

—Anjali Ramisetti
First Grade Teacher
Katherine Delmar Burke School

“Sarah and Ian were so thoughtful in providing just-right content for our kindergarteners all the way up to our older students. Their loving and honest stories, easy back-and-forth with one another, and humorous delivery of a delicate topic made this sensitive, yet oh-so-critical topic digestible and relatable. This is a conversation that I hope students, teachers, and parents will continue to have with more ease thanks to the Hoffmans. I’m so grateful to them for sharing their gift of their family’s journey, and their beautiful storytelling, with our entire school community.”

—Kristine Keane
School Social Worker
George Peabody School

“The first time I heard Sarah & Ian tell their story, I was in awe of them. Their loving, unconditional acceptance of their child is a model every parent should see. What a lucky child Sam is to get to grow up with Sarah & Ian as his parents!”

—Susan Rahman, MA
Faculty, Sociology, Psychology, and Behavioral Science, College of Marin

“Sarah & Ian have a unique ability to capture the joys and challenges of raising a gender-nonconforming child. Their natural ability as storytellers, combined with their insightful reflections on their own journey as parents, make them compelling speakers for a diverse range of audiences. Balancing humorous anecdotes with poignant realism, they build awareness, understanding, and acceptance of families and children navigating this challenging terrain.”

—Joel Baum
Gender Spectrum Education and Training

“Sarah & Ian’s willingness to share the story of their family with my students has opened up new dialogue and understanding of children with diverse expressions of gender. The research they have completed with other families with children who cross gender “boxes” has been invaluable in helping teachers understand the perspectives of parents and caregivers and how we can support them as educators. We always appreciate their openness and willingness to share time with us!”

—Tracy Burt
Faculty, Child Development and Family Studies Department, City College of San Francisco

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