Sarah & Ian Hoffman

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Good News and Gratitude

February 29, 2012 by Sarah

Do you ever get the sense that things are moving?

In the last month, our school brought in trainers from Our Family Coalition, the LGBT advocacy and education organization. They also sent eight—eight—faculty and staff members to a 2 1/2 day training with Keshet, the organization working toward LGBT inclusion in Jewish life.

The school is honoring the commitments that they made last year. We are so, so grateful. And eager to see what happens next.

In other good news, I’ve finally added a book list to my website. I frequently get requests from readers about books—for themselves, for their kids, for their doctors and family members and schools. Over time I’ve compiled a list of affirming books that I think are helpful, stimulating, and often beautiful. The list is roughly organized according to age of audience—board books (age 1-3), picture books (age 3-8), chapter books (8-12), middle grade books (ages 11-14), young adult books (high school), and adult books.

As I write and speak publicly about issues of gender, I am aware that my topic can also be a metaphor for all the ways kids can be different. And so I’ve included books that address not only gender identity and LGBT families, but sensory processing disorder, race, diversity and nonconformists of all sorts, and, of course—and sadly—bullying. Whether or not any particular issue applies to a particular child, books about difference of any kind can be helpful for understanding and accepting all difference. This is why it’s so important that we not only read a broad range of these types of books to our own children, but that we introduce these books into our schools, libraries, doctors’ waiting rooms, local bookstores, and anywhere else we can think of to share them with the wider world.

Take a look at the list and see what you think of these books. If you have a book to recommend for my list, let me know! If I like it, I’ll add it to the list. 

In gratitude,

Sarah

 

 

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "gender variant" "gender nonconforming" "gender spectrum" "parenting", "sarah hoffman", "transgender", book list, bullying, LGBT, pink boy

Bullying Series Finale

September 16, 2011 by Sarah

It’s been not-quite-five months since I started my series on anti-bullying work at Sam’s school, and in that brief time I’ve felt more despair, inspiration, relief, exhaustion, and companionship than in the previous not-quite-five years at the school. When I began writing, I really had no idea where things would go, and was just about ready to give up and pull Sam out of school. Just a few months later, I feel very differently.

At the end of last year, the administration promised to change the way they’d been dealing with school bullying, and made big plans—the first of which was hiring a new school counselor. I’m thrilled to report that the new counselor has experience implementing anti-bullying programs and policies at other schools. She is engaged, thoughtful, accessible, and communicative. Before school started, she gave the teachers an anti-bullying workshop, and is now planning parent education. She has asked the administration to adopt a truly zero-tolerance policy. She is teaching the kids what to do when they experience, participate in, or witness bullying. She is also going to bring Restorative Justice to the school—an alternative approach to discipline that teaches how to repair, rather than punish, harm that has been done to a person.

The school has brought in Gender Spectrum to educate all teachers about gender diversity and acceptance. They are school is talking to Keshet, the Jewish LGBT organization, about bringing faith-based anti-discrimination study resources into classrooms.

In short, the administration has either begun, or agreed to consider, nearly all of the things they committed to last year, and has done so fairly speedily. Watching their actions, I am cautiously optimistic that things are moving in the right direction.

Before writing this post, I read back over all ten installments of the series, reliving the despair, fatigue, and inspiration I’d experienced at the time. What stood out most to me about what we went through was how absolutely not alone we were. We had the support, encouragement, and ideas of the group of parents at school—without which we never would have gotten where we did. Our friends helped us realize we were not alone, gave us the energy for the fight, and lent us the strength to do the work. Their support totally changed the game, and made all the difference in our success.

And I was so very buoyed by the cheering, resonance, and thoughtful input of my readers. Without your words, I would have been dispirited before I’d been able to start. I was also reminded that if Ian had not been my partner through this, I never would have taken the work on (well, maybe I would have, but with far less grace and far more bad language than with him by my side). And most of all, if I didn’t have the incredible kiddo that I do—who represents both the need and the inspiration for this work—I simply would not be here at all.

Thank you, to all of you.

Now that things are on the right track with Sam’s school, I’m able to turn my attention to the book I’ve been trying to write for years, so my presence on this blog is going to be more sporadic for a while. While I won’t be writing quite as often, I am thinking of all of you and wishing you well on your journeys.

All the best,

Sarah Hoffman

Please vote for me on Babble’s Moms Who Are Changing the World! Just click this link and then click “like” to vote. Thank you!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "gender variant" "gender nonconforming" "gender spectrum" "parenting", "sarah hoffman", "transgender", bully, Keshet, LGBT, pink boy, Restorative Justice, school bullying

Letters to School—Alternatives to PE

August 30, 2011 by Sarah

This post is the next in my series of letters parents have written to schools on behalf of their gender-nonconforming and transgender children (the first, second, and third appear here). The following letter was written by Jenna Murase* to her son’s middle school principal. Jenna sought permission for her son to fulfill his PE requirement outside of school, because the school’s gender-divided PE curriculum would be detrimental to her gender-nonconforming son Nobu. For the letter, Jenna quoted extensively from the school’s own policies to reinforce her position—a strategy which worked very well.

Dear Mr. Jeffries,

We are writing to you in regards to Nobu Murase and his PE class starting in the 6th grade. As we understand, you are fully prepared to accommodate Nobu in the mainstream program at Pine Lakes Middle School. However, given the sensitive nature surrounding Nobu’s gender identity issues, if the idea is to achieve his optimal emotional development we need to provide Nobu with an alternative experience at school. We feel that forcing participation in gym will be emotionally detrimental to Nobu and will cause his academic performance to go down.

Although Nobu has no physical disabilities which prevent him from participating, he does have emotional and social disabilities surrounding his gender identity that consistently cause behavioral issues during this class. Given that PE is mostly divided by gender, Nobu experiences a high level of anxiety, fear, and stress when attending this class for a myriad of gender-related reasons. His report cards from his last school clearly reflect the ongoing struggles he has had in the class socially. 

We would like Nobu to participate in the classes that are not divided by gender. When classes are divided by gender we would like him to have the option to do a research project on anything to do with health, sports, or physical fitness, or to write a current event essay of some sort.

I can assure you that we can provide Nobu the physical activity, or active participation, that is required by law though figure skating lessons after school. To obtain his optimal physical development, Nobu will be at skating, or a skating-related activity, a minimum of five hours per week. Every time he participates in skating he will be dressed in the proper skating attire and using the proper skating equipment. One of Nobu’s weekly skating activities is an ice performance group. During this time he will learn how to work as part of a skating team that will foster a sense of sportsmanship, cooperation, and leadership. The group will be performing and competing at a number of venues throughout the school year. 

Ultimately, as Nobu matures and “figures himself out,” our goal is to build his confidence with full mainstream participation.

Thank you for considering this option for Nobu.  We look forward to working closely with you.

Sincerely,

The Murase Family

Thank you to Jenna and all the parents who have shared their letters! You are an amazing resource!

*All of the names and places are pseudonyms

Please vote for me on Babble’s Moms Who Are Changing the World! Just click this link and then click “like” to vote. Thank you!

 

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "gender variant" gender non-conforming parenting pink, "sarah hoffman", "transgender", LGBT, pink boy, school bullying, skating boy

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