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Psychology Today

July 8, 2011 by Sarah

I’m honored that clinical psychologist Samantha Smithstein recently interviewed me for her blogs on Psychology Today and the San Francisco Examiner. We discussed my advocacy work for gender-nonconforming kids, what it means to be a pink boy, and school bullying prevention.

Responding to Dr. Smithstein’s questions was a good opportunity for me to articulate something I’ve long felt: that writing and speaking about raising a gender-nonconforming child is a form of social activism. I never imagined that the advocacy work I’d long participated in in other forms would someday look like this—but it turns out that we don’t always get to choose the shape our work takes.

And that’s okay. Because not only is this the most important thing I can think of to do with the energy that I have for social justice—it is, I hope, making my son’s and other children’s lives better—but it’s personally gratifying and often even fun.

So thank you for being my readers, for commenting on what I write, for telling your awesome and inspiring and heartbreaking stories, and for being your own activist selves in your own communities in so very many ways.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "gender variant" "gender nonconforming" "gender spectrum" "parenting", "Psychology Today", "sarah hoffman", bullying, pink boys, samantha smithstein

The Mother Company

June 27, 2011 by Sarah

The Mother Company—dedicated to social and emotional learning for parents and kids—recently posted a two-part series on childhood gender expression. I was honored to be asked to contribute an essay for the first part of the series, about the first time Sam went to school in a dress.

The second part in the series, an interview with Gender Spectrum founder Stephanie Brill (author of The Transgender Child), did a fantastic job of articulating best practices for parents of gender-nonconforming and transgender kids.

As I read the readers’ comments on the series I felt how sad and angry I am that Sam has to do the work to change society, every time he comes up against one of the limits of “acceptable” gender expression. I hate it each and every time he has to tell another kid it’s okay for him to be in the boys’ bathroom, or put up with teasing by classmates over his long hair, or think about whether he will have a hard time at school for the color of his pencil case. I hate that my child has to push society’s boundaries, that he can’t just relax into the work that previous generations have done (as I do, as my daughter does). I wish that he could simply be himself, the way a girl in jeans heading out to soccer practice can just be herself.

But I also felt immensely proud. Sam may be doing incredibly  hard work just to be himself, but the extraordinary byproduct of his work is that he’s changing the world.

I imagine the first girls who wore pants to school. I imagine the first women who took “men’s” jobs. I imagine the first African Americans who didn’t toe the color line, and the first gay people who married. My son is one of these pioneers. He is paving the way for future pink boys to be who they are without ridicule. I wish that it was not so hard for him. But given that it is, I could not be a prouder mom.

 

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "gender variant" "gender nonconforming" "gender spectrum" "parenting", "sarah hoffman", "transgender", bullying, Stephanie Brill, The Mother Company

The Pink Wand

June 24, 2011 by Sarah

I got the most awesome email (with an even awesomer attachment) the other day. It said:

From my darling child to yours, I send you a message of hope and love. My daughter wrote this to Sam with no prompting from me (I did part of the tree illustration, that’s it!) This story is what she “wants him to think about in scary times.” We have so much to learn from our kids.

The email contained a book that her daughter wrote for Sam. I read it and got all teary. And then I realized I wasn’t just moved but impressed. The book is sophisticated, smart, and sassy. It’s a well-plotted, lovingly illustrated, inspirational story about a boy who triumphs. And I’m going to share it with you here. But first, I’m going to share the author’s (pseudonymous) bio:

Ms. Alexis Taylor is seven-and-a-half years old and lives with her two moms in NYC. She is starting second grade this fall. She enjoys Harry Potter, chess, robotics, writing fiction, minor cat harassment, and playing with her 18-month-old sister.

After I read the book, I wrote Alexis’s mom back to say that I loved Alexis’s book, and that I loved, loved, loved Alexis. And she replied: “We love her too—she is her own brand of fabulous—a completely sparkly alpha-girl who takes no B.S. from anyone—with a sprinkling of super hero.” Isn’t that what we all aspire to be?

Alexis is an inspiration to me, an unseen force of goodness for Sam, and a blessing for the world.

So, without further ado, I present you with Ms. Alexis Taylor’s book, which I hope will be published ASAP by a huge mainstream publisher.

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you to the fabulous new emerging children’s book author, Ms. Alexis Taylor! Your story will change the world.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: "gender variant" "gender nonconforming" "gender spectrum" "parenting", "sarah hoffman", "transgender", Alexis Taylor, bullying, cross-dressing, pink boy

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Testimonials

“Sarah & Ian have a unique ability to capture the joys and challenges of raising a gender-nonconforming child. Their natural ability as storytellers, combined with their insightful reflections on their own journey as parents, make them compelling speakers for a diverse range of audiences. Balancing humorous anecdotes with poignant realism, they build awareness, understanding, and acceptance of families and children navigating this challenging terrain.”

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Joel BaumGender Spectrum Education and Training April 21, 2021

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