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Learning from the Livingstones

October 4, 2009 by Sarah

Sam brought Adele Griffin’s Vampire Island home from his school library this week, and we’ve been reading a chapter every night. The book’s protagonists, Hudson, Maddy, and Lexie Livingstone, are hybrids: half vampire, half fruit bat. They live in Manhattan with their fruit-eating, rock-star parents.

As we all know, it’s tough to be a hybrid—the other kids just don’t get it. Nine-year-old Hudson can’t exactly tell his fellow fourth-graders that he spends the pre-dawn hours flying over Central Park, scattering fruit seeds. Maddy, eleven, has ideas about the suspected vampires across the street that even her family can’t understand. And thirteen-year-old Lexie is never sure how much of her bat-talents she can allow herself to show at school.

Sam is concerned about the Livingstone kids’ futures. “What will happen,” he asked me last night, “when they grow up and want to get married?”

For a self-proclaimed part-boy, part-girl hybrid, this is a concern.

I ventured: “Maybe they’ll find another hybrid to marry?”

“Or maybe,” Sam suggested, “they’ll just tell their husband or wife, and if that person loves them, they’ll understand.”

Kids like Sam need models of other people who are different— kids who succeed because they have people who love and accept them, kids who make a go of it in a world that doesn’t necessarily understand them. They make the connections themselves, once the adults in their lives—in this case, our school librarian—give them the tools.

When I hear Sam come up with ideas like successful hybrid marriage, I have a two-part (dare I say hybrid?) reaction. I hate to watch Sam learn things the hard way, as he so often does. But when I get a glimpse of the wisdom he is gaining as someone not-quite-like his peers, I realize that his difference is a blessing, too.

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Filed Under: Sarah Hoffman's Blog Tagged With: "gender variant" "gender nonconforming" "gender spectrum" "parenting"

Gender Spectrum Conference

September 19, 2009 by Sarah

I recently attended the Gender Spectrum Family Conference in Seattle. (I led a workshop, “Chronicling Your Story,” for parents of gender-nonconforming children wanting to write about their experience.) There, I met parents from all over the US and Canada, parents with kids just like mine.

I heard from parents who struggle with how to support their children in school, deal with bullying on the playground, and work with their schools to make bathrooms safe. I felt as though I was hearing Sam’s story, over and over—kids from four years old to young adults, kids living in cities and suburbs, going to public and private school, adopted and biological, children of two parents and one, with parents gay and straight.

Parents shared tales of woe—and sometimes horror—about the challenges our children face. But we also shared the wonder of raising children who know so clearly who they are, children willing to face vast adversity just to be themselves. In a room with so many parents full of so much love and compassion for their children, I realized that we are strong. Though we may be the only ones in our school, our neighborhoods, our towns, we are actually many.

We’re here. They’re pink. The world will get used to it.

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Filed Under: Sarah Hoffman's Blog, Uncategorized Tagged With: "gender variant" "gender nonconforming" "gender spectrum" "parenting"

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