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Book Review and Giveaway: Raising My Rainbow

October 3, 2013 by Sarah

While comments on this post are still welcome, the giveaway is now closed. The winners were announced here.

Raising My Rainbow: Adventures in Raising a Fabulous, Gender Creative Son is the story of C.J., Lori Duron’s sparkly boy-child. Lori sent me two autographed copies of her book to give away to my readers (leave a comment below for a chance to win—and if you are one of the two randomly chosen winners, I will mail you your own copy).

Reading Raising My Rainbow, I realized that Lori’s story is my story too, and it is the story of so very many parents I have spoken to over the years. The book captures the themes that parents of gender-nonconforming children often share, like self blame, fear of the future, and the fierce desire to protect our children from ridicule. She explores the effects that a gender-nonconforming child can have on their parents, siblings, and extended family. She talks about how it feels to be criticized by our families, friends, and strangers—and asks the questions so many parents of gender-nonconforming kids ask: what do we owe these people? What do we owe our children?

The book is lovingly written and touching, matter-of-fact and readable. It left me hungry to see where C.J. and his parents and brother went in the world, what they learned, how they struggled, how they overcame. And it helped that Lori is funny (“I texted [my husband] Matt, who was at work, a photo of C.J.’s crap in the toilet and the picture of him holding Belle at Target.”).

Lori and Matt clearly struggled—and probably continue to struggle, for this is an ever-shifting landscape—for a long time. But Lori realized early on that to accept and support her son was to give him a gift. And this realization helped her to let go of double standards in her own life (e.g., not letting C.J. take his feminine toys out of the house when his brother could take his masculine ones) as she began to see them in the world around her (why can girls wear pants but boys can’t wear a skirt?)

The book shows how our children help us to evolve—and how awkward and uncomfortable it can be to evolve in a context where the people around us are not evolving with us. “There is comfort found in expectations, but when they are squashed when your child is three, four, or five years old, you start to question why they exist at all. You attempt to move on without expectations and try not to be jaded when people around you hold tight to old, comfortable ones.”

In the end, I was left wanting to know more about C. J. and his family. Will his gender identity persist? How will he face teasing and harassment as he gets older? What will his parents do to proactively prevent bullying at his school? Perhaps we’ll find out in a sequel.

We—the mom and dad bloggers of the gender-nonconforming community—welcome Lori, and we welcome her book. Raising My Rainbow is an important contribution to the small but growing library of books affirming gender-nonconforming children to be entirely themselves.

Leave a comment below for a chance to win a copy of Raising My Rainbow. Remember to either include your email address or message me on facebook so that I know how to get in touch with you if you win! Winners will be announced Monday October 7.

The Pink Wand

June 24, 2011 by Sarah

I got the most awesome email (with an even awesomer attachment) the other day. It said:

From my darling child to yours, I send you a message of hope and love. My daughter wrote this to Sam with no prompting from me (I did part of the tree illustration, that’s it!) This story is what she “wants him to think about in scary times.” We have so much to learn from our kids.

The email contained a book that her daughter wrote for Sam. I read it and got all teary. And then I realized I wasn’t just moved but impressed. The book is sophisticated, smart, and sassy. It’s a well-plotted, lovingly illustrated, inspirational story about a boy who triumphs. And I’m going to share it with you here. But first, I’m going to share the author’s (pseudonymous) bio:

Ms. Alexis Taylor is seven-and-a-half years old and lives with her two moms in NYC. She is starting second grade this fall. She enjoys Harry Potter, chess, robotics, writing fiction, minor cat harassment, and playing with her 18-month-old sister.

After I read the book, I wrote Alexis’s mom back to say that I loved Alexis’s book, and that I loved, loved, loved Alexis. And she replied: “We love her too—she is her own brand of fabulous—a completely sparkly alpha-girl who takes no B.S. from anyone—with a sprinkling of super hero.” Isn’t that what we all aspire to be?

Alexis is an inspiration to me, an unseen force of goodness for Sam, and a blessing for the world.

So, without further ado, I present you with Ms. Alexis Taylor’s book, which I hope will be published ASAP by a huge mainstream publisher.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to the fabulous new emerging children’s book author, Ms. Alexis Taylor! Your story will change the world.

Crazy Hair Day

June 22, 2011 by Sarah

Today I dropped the kids off at camp, where Crazy Hair Day was in full swing. Some campers wore mismatched barrettes all over their heads; some had braids going every which way; others had colored their hair with rainbow stripes. Sam and Ruby had matching hairdos in their long hair: three braids down their back. Admittedly not that crazy, but they thought it was awesome.

As I signed the kids in for the day, a counselor complemented my “girls’” hair. I slipped in a “he” when I responded about Sam, and the counselor lobbed back a “she.” I find that when Sam meets new people, the long hair trumps any number of “hes” I can throw into the conversation. They just can’t see the he-ness in the way he looks.

Don't be alarmed. This is not one of my actual children.

When the counselor left I asked Sam if he minded that she thought he was a girl. Sam knew that I’d talked to the camp director about his gender expression before the start of the summer, specifically so that the counselors would be on the lookout for bullying, but clearly not every counselor knows he’s a boy. “I don’t mind at all!” he said. “Most people here think I’m a girl, except my main counselor and one kid in my group.” Worried that issues might come up—what if someone hassled him in the boys’ bathroom?—I asked Sam if he wanted me to tell the other counselors. “Nope,” he said, “it’s fine this way.”

On my way out, I mentioned the situation to the camp director. I asked if she felt it mattered if kids and counselors didn’t realize Sam’s a boy, and told her my concerns about the bathroom. She said she would mention it to the counselors, for safety, and added that there are other campers at camp this week who have similar gender issues. I didn’t even imagine that possibility! And then she said that later today, when the whole group meets, they will all talk about gender, and what to do—and not to do—when you see someone whose hair, or clothing colors, or bathroom choice, is not what you expect.

I am loving, loving, LOVING this camp director, this camp, and this Crazy Hair Day.

Book Review and Giveaway: Raising My Rainbow

The Pink Wand

Crazy Hair Day

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